Do you sometimes feel yourself end up living in a place of regret about things you wish you had done differently for and with your dog? Are you extra hard on yourself for having made mistakes? Do you go to the place of what ifs a lot?
Then this episode is for you.
I talk about what regret is and most importantly about the thought error you are probably making when it comes to what specifically you are blaming yourself for.
Plus I give some practical tips as to how you can stop beating yourself up so much. (I also explain why you should stop!)
Would you like to stop beating yourself up?
Because that’s step 1 to a better relationship with your dog and yourself. Get on a free consult with me to see if my coaching program is a good fit for you.
Very fittingly. I learned about Jay, whose a canine author, blogger and freelance Writer, and her dog Finn through a piece of her writing.
It was an article that Jay wrote for Dogs Today a while ago, but that still makes the rounds among guardians of challenging dogs. What she wrote resonates deeply with most of us.
There are any number of articles that you can find about how to reassure and help your reactive dog. There are far, far fewer that in any way prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster that is being the owner or handler of a reactive dog.
and
I have cried more tears over this one dog than over any other animal I’ve ever had, even the ones that I’ve had to say that permanent goodbye to. Because of Finn, I have been patronised, pitied, sworn at and despised.
If you have ever wondered whether you messed your dog up because he was your first dog, then you will want to listen to Jay. She was used to living and working with border collies actually working sheep, and “still” she ended up with a very anxious dog.
Jay talks about the moment when someone told her she should just have her dog killed. We discuss what were pivot points in her life with Finn, like hearing the term reactive dog for the first time, and taking Canine Principles courses.
She explains how she ended up writing books, which, spoiler alert, was basically by embracing Nike’s slogan: just do it! and combining it with the belief that there is no one better to write about a topic than someone who has just had to deal it.
Jay also talks about how Finn’s stunning looks don’t always work in his favor. Imagine attracting every human within visual range to your blue merle coat, but being afraid of humans…
And of course, we talk about mindset and the relation with imposter syndrome, which is another topic that Jay is passionate about, and about how that ties into life with Finn.
All of the ways you can find Jay and learn more about her:
Trillian shares her and Fenrir’s story, both the training techniques she tried as well as all the management involved. Fenrir is a stunning Czechoslovakian Vlcak (or Wolfdog) who’s no small boy, measuring 29 inches at the withers (if you’ve listened to the podcast you’ll know why that tidbit of information is in here).
Trillian & Fenrir
He suffers from pretty bad anxiety of which Trillian gives some examples. The management involved in giving him his best life is quite extensive. From providing Fenrir with 40 minute chews to buy the humans an hour outside the house (but then waiting in front of the door during the buildup phase to hear what’s going on), to having one person stay upstairs while the other was downstairs because having two people in the same room was stressing Fenrir out too much.
Every day is tongue out Tuesday for Fenrir
We talk anxiety in combination with crate training, BAT training and howling (yes howling and not barking), and how medication seems to be helping Fenrir to find a little more calm, but also brings about an unexpected “disadvantage”.
Also, I learn what combisport is (and that it’s probably not for me).
Vanessa & her and her boyfriend’s gorgeous Black Mouth Cur Darwin
After several years an MRI finally reveals brain abnormalities in Black Mouth Cur Darwin’s brain. Rather than give up and accept the status quo, Vanessa keeps trying out new training ideas and management strategies to improve quality of life for everyone in the multi-dog (and cat!) household.
The gang, left to right: Sputnik, Darwin and Sonic
Strap in for another long episode people. Follow along as Vanessa recounts how a perfectly behaved puppy changed to an anxious adult dog after puberty.
Back in the US still
We discuss how assumptions can lead to blind spots. For the longest time, Vanessa and Ryan had assumed that the move from the US to The Netherlands and the plane ride over had been the triggering event for the decline in Darwin’s behavior.
Going through old photographs looking for clues in Darwin’s body posture, they realized that assumption was false as the signs had been there earlier. Vanessa tells us what it took for her to gain confidence in her own knowledge of dog behavior.
A short improvement in behavior after quitting Darwin’s anxiety medication gave them hope briefly, as did the possibility of maybe being able to participate in an RTMS trial at the Belgian University of Ghent, but none of it was meant to be.
Made it onto the couch!
Darwin’s anxiety is such that having to make simple decisions such as “Should I get on the couch?” are stress inducing for him.
Darwin all comfy in his Baskerville muzzle
Muzzle training turned out to be a blessing in disguise. As a bonus side effect to the muzzle training, it became a tool to help Darwin relax.
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