life coaching Archives • kajsavanoverbeek.com

Mindset Episode 020 | How to believe in overall success so you can work through setbacks

If only you knew you would get there in the end, then the setbacks wouldn’t be so hard to bear.

If you just had someone who could guarantee you that, yes, your dog’s going to go after a couple more cyclists and there will be 4 more periods of regression, but for sure 100% guaranteed they’re going to get there, then that would probably make it easier to deal with the hard times, wouldn’t it?

Knowing that spring is coming makes it easier to get through the winter (well, the winters in my neck of the wood at least, which aren’t “great” in my opinion).

So how can we bottle a bit of that thinking and use it to our benefit?
That’s what this episode is about.

Could your brain be doing a better job of getting you through the hard times?

If your fed up with every setback causing you to go spiraling into a vortex of negativity, eating, drinking and procrastination and want to learn tools to become more resilient, then get in touch with me about coaching!

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Mindset Episode 019 | The best way to relax is not what you think

Do you ever have a hard time relaxing after something stressful happens?

You want to be in control of your emotions so your bad mood doesn’t rub off on your dog or others around you.

If you’re angry at something, you want to calm down so you don’t accidentally start a fight by lashing out at another person or so that you don’t end up being unnecessarily harsh with your dog.

My guess is that one of your strategies is to focus on regaining calmness as quickly as possible, by doing some version of a relaxation exercise.

That’s skipping an important step though, one that might allow you to forsake the relaxation exercises altogether.

It’s one of the things that have had the biggest impact on my quality of life and I am sharing it with you in this episode.

Want to decrease stress in your life and shorten your emotional recovery time?

Get in touch with me to see if my coaching program is what you need.

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028 | Jumy on no longer wanting to be the only R+ horse trainer in the U.A.E.

We can learn so much by getting curious about neighbouring fields.

Jumy is a positive reinforcement horse trainer from Umm Al Quwain in the U.A.E. about 30 minutes out from Dubai and I wanted to pick her brain about the similarities and differences between the horse and the dog world.

Jumy opened her own livery yard, malath paddock paradise, 3 years ago, but she’s been in the industry for 13 years already.

I ask lots of no doubt cringe worthy questions, as I know nothing about horses, and we touch upon tons of different things.

Jumy explains how bitless and tackless work with horses doesn’t always mean positive work.

She illustrates how you can move away from training a behavior like getting the horse to move using negative reinforcement in the form of leg pressure (the horse moves forward in order to get away from the uncomfortable feeling of leg pressure) by teaching the behavior first using positive reinforcement and simply letting a leg touch become a cue for the horse to perform that behavior.

We touch on hackamores, which to me come across as something similar to a head halter as is used on dogs, and competition rules, which do not always allow horses to compete bitless.

Of course I want to know how Jumy ended up in the force free training world.

Unlike the road many dog guardians take, it wasn’t because she had exhausted punitive methods or because her horse had behavioral problems.

Rather it was trick training that sparked the idea of using positive reinforcement training to train all kinds of behavior. If you can use it to teach a horse tricks, why couldn’t you use it to teach other behaviors after all?

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A post shared by Tango (@tangotheminiature)

Being a trailblazer had both upsides and downsides.

The biggest positive was that she never fell into any kind of trap of wanting to be able to do it all and know it all at once. She simply had to follow a try-as-you-go path of discovery.

When her clients find her though, it usually is because they are experiencing problems with their horses. This leads us to discuss how Jumy’s approach to dealing with horse guardians who may be using tools on their horses that she doesn’t necessarily agree with.

Her assumption is that the guardian loves their horse. She never wants to shame them or make the feel guilty about their choice of tool. Rather she lets them draw their own conclusions.

In her words:

If I teach the horse to walk, trot, reverse, counter, stop using only voice commands, do you think the owner would not use those voice commands riding? And then what do they need the bit for? It will then be their idea to go bitless.

She does draw the line at the use of spurs, but it’s her reasoning as to why that’s the most interesting to me.

In another similarity to the dog world, there is a lot of emphasis on ruling out pain (through for example a bad-fitting saddle) as a contributing factor to behavioral issues.

So what about the differences? With the horse being a prey animal and the dog being a predator, Jumy explains how that affects the required rate of reinforcement.

Then there is natural horsemanship. Jumy explains her views on that and how horses who are trained with that method can mentally shut down.

Naturally I ask about her dogs who live at the stables and are allowed to free roam. Funnily enough they chill most of the time, unless they are breaking up horse fights or they decide to come along on a hack with the horses, that is.

Finally Jumy explains her criteria for canceling a session with a horse when she isn’t in the right mindset herself, and what the alternatives are, such as adapting the type of the session to her energy levels.

Links:

Jumy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jumys.horses/

Jumy’s livery yard: https://www.malathpaddockparadise.com/

Tango, the miniature horse, who knows how to paint and stack rings: https://www.instagram.com/tangotheminiature/

Tango stacking rings: https://www.instagram.com/p/BY0VktphmWH/

For all you dog lovers, the dogs who inhabit Mallath Paddock Paradise: https://www.instagram.com/thestabledog/

And of course Mallath Paddock Paradise on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/malath.paddock.paradise/

Adele, the horse trainer that Jumy got a lot of inspiration from:

https://www.instagram.com/thewillingequine/

Dog trainer Amy who was responsible for making the connection between Jumy and I:

https://www.instagram.com/pawfectbehaviourme/

Is your challenging dog (or horse) bringing stuff up for you?

Jump on a call with me to figure out if you could benefit from life coaching.

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Mindset Episode 018 | When something or someone always suffers because you’re juggling too many things

This podcast episode is a reply to an email I received from someone on my email-list.

They wrote:
I was constantly trying to manage between work, my dogs, my almost adult kids, my house, a big yard with a lot of plants, my husband, my extended family, and some time for myself!

Sound familiar?

You’re juggling all the things, but no matter the effort, it seems like something or someone is always suffering, because you never manage to get it quite right.
Guilt is inevitable. Spend time on one thing and the other thing suffers.

1) Is that even true though? That someone is always suffering?
2) And are you even spending your energy where you want to spend it? Are you living in line with your priorities?

These are the two main topics I discuss in this podcast episode.

Would you like to get rid of the guilt about dropping the ball?

Jump on a call with me.

Schedule a Call

027 | Haley & Scout (and Sean), on finding out where you and your dog fit in the (dog)world

Grab your dog and plan a dog walk or two. Better yet, sit down, grab pen and paper and take notes. This episode is long and chock-full of wisdom.

Here are just some of the things Haley of @paws.andreflect talk about:

Why we choose to train the behaviors we train
Choice points: recognizing what you’re feeling and choosing to do something about it in a healthy and productive way rather than letting your feelings ruin your day. (What Haley describes are actually techniques you will learn in coaching with me as well).

Choosing the metrics you use to measure success: the recovery time after a reaction rather than if your dog reacts
Knowing who to trust as a trainer with all the contradictory advice out there
When is good good enough?
The law of diminishing marginal returns
What giving your dog freedom means

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But also:

Positive punishment and how to have respectful conversations with people who have different views and opinions
Taking the leap to become a full-time self-employed writer about all things dog
Imposter syndrome and the nagging question of “Am I good enough?”
Embarking on van life and the thought process behind it