Has this happened to you? You’ve received a text message, a WhatsApp, a DM of sorts and you feel immense pressure to answer it immediately.
Because, if you don’t, then what won’t the other person think? They need that quick response, right?And yet, you notice that all this texting and all the interruptions are interfering with the flow of your day.
Here’s what I have to offer.
Thinking about what others are thinking
Your problem is your thinking about what the others are thinking, savvy? (Try and read that sentence with the intonation of Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, as it sounds like a thing that he would say.) That’s what’s creating that urge for you to reply to the message. Well, it’s one of the things at least.
You will never know what they are thinking. You can’t. It’s theirs. It takes place inside their brain. Even if they tell you what they are thinking, you can’t know whether what they say was really what they thought.
So, you see, it’s your thinking about their thinking, and that’s good news because you have control over that. You have control over you. You can change your thinking and in doing so change your Pavlov reaction to want to reply instantly.
You might be believing that you are not a good friend or partner if you don’t reply to messages instantly. Others won’t like you anymore. Heck, you’re almost sure of that, because you yourself don’t like it when others don’t reply right away.
How do you go about changing that?
Instant replies are not needed
The simple solution would be to just start believing instant replies are not needed, nor expected.
It’s just that the idea of replying right away is so ingrained in you that that’s a tough cookie to chew.
Well, let me flip things around and offer you a different perspective.
I have a friend, who almost never replies instantly to his text messages. On the one hand, it drives me nuts. On the other hand, I know that he doesn’t and I know it doesn’t mean anything. If I need something urgently I have to call.
I’m sure you know someone in your life who is like that and you probably simply take their not-so-instant messaging tendencies into account without a second thought.
Here is another example not directly related to messaging. I have another friend who has designated Sunday to be his day to spend with his family. No other appointments. Keeping Sundays free of outside appointments was and is sacred to him and he never made an exception.
Our group of friends knows this. Period. We may be annoyed by it at times, but we never make it mean anything about us and so we plan around his Sundays, or we plan something without him. That is just the way it is.
When you look at it this way, does that help you divorce the idea that instant replies are the be all end all?
What if you thought: “When I am consistent about replying to messages when it suits me, I will be happier and more productive. Others will catch on soon enough.”
Does that relieve you of that sense of urgency?
I bet you, that you feel a lot more sanguine when you think that. See if that makes it easier for you to continue what you were doing when your phone plinks.
Let me know in the comments if any of this rings true to you!
