Sometimes my clients say it better than I ever could.

When I asked Ana to write a review about her experience coaching with me, she wrote both a “regular” review and she also took the opportunity to evaluate the process she had gone through.

Basically she thought of my question as her final “homework assignment”, a way to reflect on how far she had come and how different life would have looked if she had not gone through the coaching program, which in her words, not mine, was the best investment she made in and for herself so far.

With her permission I was allowed to post it here

I started the coaching sessions with a lot of doubt, fear, shame, guilt and sadness, that I burden myself with by wanting to be that perfect guardian for my lovely Joy.

In my mind I kept failing, I kept doubting myself and thought about all the things I wasn’t doing or how I wasn’t good enough, because she was reactive, anxious and fearful.

The walks were really stressful.

I was putting a lot of tension on the leash and on myself and Joy.

My thought process was spiraling in the wrong direction.

When I was supposed to do something that would involve Joy and I would criticize myself for failing her more and more every day.

I would avoid doing even the minimum of training or finding ways to have fun together, because in my mind I was a failure and I would not have the right knowledge, energy and motivation to get myself out of that state.

I would even be awkwardly ashamed when meeting my neighbours, either if I would be with Joy or without, because 

in my mind they were judging me…

…for that one time when they might have seen her react towards one neighbour,

or for barking from time to time

or for seeing her being fearful due to some noises around us.

I would try my best to avoid any interaction with dogs and would go the opposite direction every time we would see one, out of fear of embarassment. I would look to go for walks only at specific times, when I would know there would be less people,

and my anxiety would go through the roof if there was any deviation to her walk schedule.

I would stress a lot if someone new would come to visit, because I felt ashamed that I had to advocate for her (ask them to ignore her and give her the space she needed to feel comfortable in her own house with strangers). I would be ashamed to ask people for opinions and advice when it comes to dog culture and education and would take it to heart if someone would say something [negative] about me or Joy.

I feel like a new person in the sense of having more awareness of how my brain works and what triggers me and how I can stop it.

YEEES I now know I have full control over my thoughts and feelings!!

The amazing structure of the sessions and by going over all the pillars we discussed (Self concept/confidence, emotions, relationships and boundaries, time management and prioritising) helped me discover so much about myself, my thoughtprocess and how and why I make the choices the way I do.

I started to be more kind and patient with myself and that had a great impact on my relationship with Joy as well.

I am more present and aware of what is triggering me and I trust myself that I am able to deal with it. I am more relaxed during walks with Joy, and what before used to make me tense on a walk or make me feeling guilty for failing her, now I am actually more calm and have a more curious perspective, instead of a critical one.

I am able to catch when my thoughts start spiralling and I slow them down succesfully most of the time…practice will only make it better.

With the current state of mind I have opportunities to observe Joy and understand her more. I feel lighter as a heavy “should do, should be, should act in a certain way” pressure has become ‘I want to understand what am I trying to achieve or want to feel’, ‘I choose to be more in contact with myself and listen more to what I feel is the right thing for me and Joy and our relationship’.

I am questioning more my expectations and beliefs and try to figure out if those are actually mine or are just old programmed ones into my mind and maybe they need an upgrade.

Homework also has been a great tool for me to learn to deal with my brain and discomfort I felt [doing the homework], but with time and practice

I discovered how to take the pressure off of myself of it needing to be correct or perfect.

It just has to start from somewhere and you build on it. That was an excellent example that I now can put in practice in different contexts and relationships, including the one with myself.

The realisation that I have the ability to choose between wanting to do something and needing to do it, actually provided me with a curiosity and openness on analysing how I actually feel about it and what is my real intention.

The safe space you have created during the sessions has opened me to at least try and wanting to deal with emotions, that previously I would avoid out of fear, as I knew there is understanding and the option to adjust it anytime and now I know I can create that safe space for myself as well to allow myself to deal with what comes, instead of rejecting out of shame, belief or fear.

Chaotic and tiring! I think I would have still been stuck in my spiraling wheel of thoughts with minimal understanding that I was causing those states myself and not knowing that I also have the option to change it.

I would have been stuck in my beliefs and not questioned if they were actually mine or just absorbed from others.

I think I would have lacked acceptance that I was normal and good enough for Joy;

That my brain was doing what it was supposed to do, but that I have options to upgrade it or influence it whenever I need it.

I think I would have kept missing great opportunities for improving the relationship with myself and Joy

and actually realising how much I already did and am still actually doing right now and that I am the right person for Joy and I have the capability and tools to fulfil her needs.

I would have kept blaming myself for not being what Joy needs and guilty for “influencing” her mood based on my mood. I probably would have kept buffering and suppressing my emotions down more and more.