It’s not the dog, it’s the guardian.
It’s an expression I would like to banish from our collective minds. So much so that I said something along those lines in one of the ads I am running toward my business.
Someone commented: “But what if it truly is the guardian? If the guardian is the problem, the guardian needs to fix it. Becoming aware of their ignorance is just part of the ugly truth they have to face.”
First off, “The guardian is the problem” is not a factual statement.
It is an opinion, a thought we are having.
The question is, how do we show up when we believe this to be true?
If we are coming from a place of “You’re wrong…”, “You’re doing it wrong…” it might mean we come across a little more hostile, a little more aggressive than we would if we were coming from a different place.
If we are on the receiving end of “You’re doing it wrong” most likely we will go on the defensive, because the nervous system interprets the statement as an attack.
This does not help us come to the best possible solution for the dog or the guardian. After all, how do you behave when you feel attacked?
It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it as well as
it’s not just what you hear, it’s how you interpret it.
So then what?
Well, what else could you, as the person wanting to help, think other than “They’re the problem”?
Because, remember, “They’re the problem” is just a thought you are having about the situation.
If it helps, consider how you feel when you think of someone else as the problem. How would you need to feel to say and explain things in a way that is most likely to come across as caring and helpful, and least likely to put the person on the receiving end on the defensive?
Then consider, where else you may be thinking someone else is the problem. Your boss? Your co-worker? Your parents-in-law? Your teenage kids? Their teacher maybe?
This stuff shows up everywhere.
In the end we can’t control how our message is received, but we can control how we send it out into the world, and I guarantee you, that if that message is not sent from a place of “You’re the problem” it is more likely to hit the mark and get you the result you want, whether that be a better life for a dog and their guardian, a better atmosphere in the family, or getting your coworkers onboard with a project.
And isn’t that what we want? Less conflict, less stress, and more overall happiness? To be able to contribute to a better world?
Are you wondering if you're the problem?
Do you want to stop worrying about the answer to that question once and for all?
Then you will want to join my coaching program. Simply schedule your free consult to get started.
PS Sara Rafai explains how her trainer helped her and her dog by not making her feel like she was the problem on episode 21 of the Ruff Around the Edges podcast. Have a listen:
